College Life
Part 16: Ending the nightmare

by Greenbeans <gbeans@tyrlen.org>


Disclaimers:

I've tried to keep this series relatively light, but this
one isn't.  All kidding aside, this one does hit upon a 
serious subject.  This one's heavy and goes deep.

I want to re-emphasize (especially for this one) that the
author and the character are two different entities.

Also, Beans is seriously sick in this one.  So, if sick
people make you want to be sick, you might want to skip
it.

Mild cursing (twice)

Quick Translation: Daijobu -- you alright
           	       Mame -- bean

Comments, thoughts, complaints, compliments, ramblings,
and flames are all accepted.  But the latter two stand a
serious chance of being printed out and turned into rat 
cage lining.

All characters are property of their respective holders.
I belong to myself, thank you, and have a nice day :)


********** Friday night **********

"I don't like this...."

"We can't do anything tonight but watch...."

"If it gets any worse we have to take...."

"Of course...."

I rolled over off of the bed I was sleeping on to fall onto 
the floor.  The damp cloth that had been on my head fell 
next to me onto the smooth wooden surface.  I was so cold. 

I couldn't hold it back anymore.  My stomach rumbled and 
screamed to be purged.  I looked around the darkened room I 
was in for something to use.  There, miraculously, was a 
bowl near me.

I weakly pulled it to me.  My body wanted to, but I just 
couldn't get started.

Strong arms held me around the torso.  They supported my 
weight, yet were still gentle.  One hand twisted my long 
hair and stuffed it into the back of my shirt.  Then 
quickly, before I could protest or ask, they squeezed 
around my belly; giving me the start I needed.

My body was racked with pain as my stomach purged itself of 
its sour contents.  The arms around me continued to support 
my weight throughout this sickening display.

Once I'd finished, one hand left me, then returned with a 
glass of cold water.  I drank of it and spat back into the 
bowl.

I should have felt better, but my strength had yet to 
return to me.  My body slumped forward, but the arms around 
me pulled me back into the attached body.  At that point, I 
couldn't have sat upright without their help.

I lay against the pillar of strength that held me.  A hand 
left again and returned with a roll of something.

"Breath mint?"  Haruka asked softly from my ear.

I grabbed onto them and tossed a couple into my mouth.  
They were a quick fix at least.

"What --?  Where am I?"  I gasped, expecting more than the 
obvious answer of the floor.

The door to the room opened, spilling light from the hall 
into the once dark room.  Michiru was there in a hastily 
thrown on bathrobe.

"Oh my," she said.  She knelt onto the floor and stroked 
the sweaty hair away from my face.  "Daijobu Mame-chan?*"

I nodded.  My strength was coming back, but I was sure it 
was only a short-lived thing.  "Where's the bathroom?"

"I see, the bowl wasn't good enough for her," Haruka 
commented slyly while bodily lifting me off the floor.  I 
thanked her and stumbled in the direction Michiru had
pointed out.

Once I was in the hall, I recognized where I was.  I was at 
their house.

The bathroom's overhead lights were blindingly bright.  I 
managed to squint into the mirror.  I looked like a semi 
truck had hit me, then it backed over me and went for a 
second pass.

Turning the cold water on I washed my mouth out again and 
scrubbed my sweat-covered face.  Looking over, I saw that 
my overnight travel bag was here.  I happily took the 
toothbrush out and began to scrub.  But how did it get
here?  How did *I* get here?

I closed my eyes to think.  I -- I remember that they had 
picked me up from the dorms because we were going to go see 
a movie.  Did we see the movie?  I didn't, I don't think.  
I remember thinking that the backseat was really 
comfortable.  I had closed my eyes to rest.

And now I'm here.  What time is it?

I made my way back to the room I had been in.  The windows 
were open to allow it to air out.  The bed I was in had 
been remade and the bowl was gone.  I sat down on the bed.  
The desire to sleep again was overwhelming.

"Lay down, Beans," Haruka re-entered room.  She pulled up a 
chair that was close to the bed.  She threw back the 
covers.  I was too tired to protest that I didn't need to 
be mothered.  She pulled the covers back over me and tucked 
me in.

"I'm fine," I growled weakly.  I didn't want Haruka to see 
me flat on my back ill.

"All evidence to the contrary," Michiru entered into the 
room.  She was in a set of silk pajamas now.  I looked 
under the covers to see what I was wearing.  An old, 
oversized tee shirt and sweat pants.

Michiru knelt next to the bed.  She laid a cool hand onto 
my forehead.  She then pulled one of those thermometers 
that tested from the ear and used it on me.

Looking up to Haruka she said, "Still too high.  She hasn't 
broken yet."  Her concerned gaze returned to me.  She 
smiled gently.  "I'm afraid that we still have a ways to 
go," she stroked her hand through my hair.

My eyelids were becoming very heavy.  I heard the dripping 
of water and a cold compress was placed on my head.  Its 
cool was losing the battle against the heat of my fever.  
Much like how a kitchen sponge wouldn't stand a chance
of absorbing a bathtub full of water.

*****

Beans fell back into the sleep that was overcoming her.  
Michiru took the water and thermometer back to the kitchen.  
Haruka guarded over the sleeping form.

They had gotten together to go to a movie.  Usually she 
always knew exactly what was going on in her own car, but 
it was Michiru who noticed that Beans was out cold when 
they arrived at the theatre.  She had been as white as a 
sheet and on fire.

They decide to skip the movie to bring her back to their
home.

While lifting her out of the backseat of her car, she 
realized just how light Beans truly was.  Beans carried 
herself with such confidence that when she got a look at 
her fragile body, it startled her.  Beans had a vigorous 
spirit that made the body that much stronger.

It didn't take them long to decide not to move her any 
further.  She'd gone to her roommates and got the things 
that Beans would need that they didn't have while Michiru 
took care of her.  Luckily, they still had the confiscated 
clothing.

Michiru watched over her this afternoon and early evening.  
Tonight was her turn.  She could stay up all night without 
a problem.  She needed to stay awake.  Beans was too weak 
at this point to do things by herself.

Haruka noticed that Beans was a quiet sleeper.  She didn't 
snore, talk, or toss much.  It could just have been the 
illness, but she got the feeling that this was the norm for 
her.  

Michiru didn't do any of those things either.  Haruka 
thought that she would have a tough time sleeping if 
Michiru did do any of them.  Not that she wouldn't get over 
it, she would accept a lot of things for Michiru's sake.  
But those rated as some of the more annoying ones that were 
thankfully avoided.

Haruka continued to watch.

********** Saturday **********

I sat up startled.  "It was a dream, just a dream," I told 
myself aloud.

"Of course it was," Michiru reassured from the bedside.  
She tried to get me to lie down again, but I didn't want to 
go back to sleep, not yet.

"I --" I shook my head, then regretted it.  My head swam at 
the sudden movement.

"Please rest, Beans.  You're far from well," Michiru took 
the cloth that had fallen off my head.  She dipped it into 
some cold water and rung it out.  She tried to put it back 
onto my head, but I captured her hand.

"How did I get here?  Why are you doing this?"

She sat back in the chair and looked at me thoughtfully.  I 
could tell that she wasn't avoiding my questions, she was 
considering how to best answer them.

She pushed me down onto the mattress gently, but firmly, 
and replaced the compress on my forehead.  Once she was 
satisfied with the position I was in she spoke.

"You had passed out in the backseat of Haruka's car.  We 
brought you back here where we could keep an eye on you. 
Your roommates know that you're with us.  Haruka picked 
up some things that she'd though you would need.

"'Why are we doing this?'"  She leaned up close to my face.  
"Because you are our friend," she answered slowly then 
leaned away again laughing softly.

They'd go to all this trouble just for a friend?

Michiru must have read my mind because she continued.  
"Does that surprise you?  It shouldn't.  Haruka is a very 
loyal person once you have gotten past her protective 
layering.  You've helped us many times since we arrived 
here.  If you want, consider it returning the favor.  But 
that's not the reason."

She got up and left the room.  I know that I needed to 
think about what she just said, but I was having a hard 
time putting two coherent thoughts together.  

I didn't want to go back to sleep, not if I was going to 
have *that* dream again.  But it was one of those things 
that I didn't have a choice about.  I fell asleep again 
before Michiru returned to the room.

*****

"I'm worried, Haruka.  Her fever hasn't broken yet and 
she's started to cry out while asleep," they were in the 
kitchen eating dinner.

Michiru watched Beans today.  While she wasn't getting 
worse, she wasn't getting any better.  Her sleeping had 
turned from peaceful to restless.  This concerned her 
greatly.  If the mind was fighting itself that might hamper 
the body's ability to heal.

"I don't know what it is.  Her dreams seem to bother her, 
but she won't tell me what she's dreaming."  She shrugged 
helplessly and looked at Haruka.

"You want me to try to pry it out of her tonight," she said 
knowing exactly what Michiru wanted.  

She nodded.  "You have a special bond with her that I don't 
share."  Haruka was about to deny that saying that she only 
loved Michiru, but she put her hand over hers.  "Not like 
that, love.  You two constantly fight like cats and dogs, 
it takes a good friend to do that."

"I know what you're saying," she replied.  "I'll see what I 
can do tonight."

Michiru bowed her head.  They were like two sides of a 
coin: opposites, but still the same thing.  Someday, Haruka 
may come to appreciate that.

*****

Haruka returned to the chair that she had occupied last 
night.

Beans seemed to be sleeping soundly enough.  She risked 
turning a small lamp on.  Beans didn't react to the light, 
so she pulled out her racing magazine to read.

Halfway through the article on how to improve engine 
performance, she began to whimper some.  Haruka put the 
magazine down so she could focus on her.  Her face was 
covered in sweat.

Taking a cool cloth, she wiped off her face.  Beans 
whimpered louder.  She tossed restlessly from side to side.  
It disturbed her to see her friend like this.

She pushed gently on her shoulder to wake her up.  Beans 
snapped upright, but didn't respond to seeing Haruka.  She 
fell back to the mattress.

'She's delirious,' Haruka thought.

Beans shook her head some, then sat up again, this time 
under her own will.  She rolled half onto her side to look 
up at Haruka.  She had dark sacks under her eyes.  The 
sleep she was getting was giving her no rest.

"G' evenin'," she mumbled with a thick accent that only 
came out when she was exhausted, angry, or overly excited.

She cleared her throat.  "Beans, are you alright?  You seem 
to be having bad dreams.  Do you want to talk about it?"

She laid down again.  "It's nothin'," she whispered.  "Just 
so long as it isn't here."

Haruka leaned closer.  "Just so long as *what* isn't here?"

Beans smiled weakly at her and fell asleep again.

Haruka watched her sleeping like that for a half-hour 
before returning to her magazine.  Somewhere around 30 
pages later she felt an odd pressure on her shirt.  

She looked down to find that Beans had grabbed a hold of 
the bottom of her shirt at some point.  Judging by how 
white her knuckles were, she wasn't about to let go either.

Haruka scooted closer so that her arm wasn't at such an odd 
angle.

Not long after that, Beans began to whimper again.  She 
nudged her some to try to wake her up.  Beans only 
tightened her grip on her shirt and took a second handful 
of cloth.  It was a truly awkward position for both of them 
to be in.

"I hope Michiru doesn't kill me for this," she whispered, 
chuckling lightly to herself.  She could expect some mock 
glares from her partner, but nothing serious.  Prying free 
of her grip, she gently moved Beans over on the bed to make 
room for herself.  She sat upright with her back against 
the headboard.

Beans immediately grabbed a hold again with her whimpering 
dying off as she got comfortably curled up in Haruka's lap.  
Haruka stroked Beans' hair with one hand while continuing 
to flip through her magazine with the other.

Around midnight Michiru came in.  Haruka turned red, but 
was ready to defend her decision if Michiru wanted to make 
an issue of it.  

She didn't.

"How is she?"  She asked while joining them on the bed.  
There really wasn't enough room for the three of them, but 
Haruka made space.  Michiru took her temperature again.

"Her fever is beginning to break," she announced happily.

"I'm glad," Haruka said softly.  Then she glanced over to 
Michiru.  "You aren't mad at me, are you?"

Michiru smiled at her.  "Why would I be?  You are a very 
sincere friend.  Why would I get mad at you doing what you 
felt would help your friend?"

"She hasn't whimpered since I joined her up here," Haruka 
grinned proudly.  "Of course, I don't think I could leave 
if I wanted."  She lifted up her arm to reveal that Beans 
still had a tight grip on her shirt.

Michiru chuckled at her predicament.  Everything had a 
tendency to get pushed to extremes when Haruka was 
involved.  

With a quick kiss on the cheek, Michiru wished her a 
pleasant evening and went to bed.  

Haruka laughed to herself.  This was the only time she'd 
get away with being in bed with another woman.  Of course, 
Beans wouldn't appreciate her thinking like that.  

If her fever was breaking this may be the last night that 
Beans would need someone to sit with her.  And that would 
mean she could go to *her* bed with *her* partner.  The 
thought made her smile.

"Augh --" escaped Beans' lips.

Haruka snapped back to what she was supposed to be doing.  
She brushed some hair away from Beans' face. 

[Eyebrow twitch] "Tears?"

She wiped them away carefully with her thumb.  Her eyes 
opened at her touch.

"Haruka?"  She asked confused.  She released the death grip 
on her shirt.  Leaning up off of her lap, she looked at the 
position they were in and had all the color return to her 
face in a rush.

"I --" She was totally confused.  Not that Haruka blamed 
her.

"No, it's not your fault Beans.  You were whimpering, and 
had grabbed onto me.  You seemed to sleep better this way," 
she defended quickly.  She might just have pushed her too 
far this time.  She knew that she'd often come close, but 
this may have finally done it.

"I -- did sleep better with you guarding me," she blinked.  
"Thank you.  But I'm not, er, um, shit," she gave up.

"Of course not!  This is nothing.  I'm not trying to make 
you change tastes or anything," Haruka picked up the thread 
where Beans left off.  They both laughed shakily.

Beans grinned wickedly.  "Michiru is gonna to kill you."

"Nope," she replied, hiding her relief in seeing her sense 
of humor.  "She's already been in."

"Damn, you're just too slip'ry," she leaned against the 
wall visibly exhausted.

"Why were you crying Beans?"  She asked softly.

Haruka could see the pain on her face at being reminded of 
her dreams.

"Please trust us.  We want to help you.  I want to help 
you," she plead.  This was really Michiru's area, but Beans 
didn't trust Michiru the way she trusted her. "Please."

Beans suddenly curled up under her shoulder.  Haruka was 
startled that she didn't push her off the bed.  Beans hid 
her face in her shirt.  Haruka put her arms around her and 
let her cry her fears away.

It startled Haruka.  She respected Beans for her strength.  
To see her weak made her realize that she too was weak in 
ways.  She hadn't missed the idea that they were quite a 
bit alike.  Where Beans hurt indicated an area where she 
could also show frailty.

She rocked them back and forth slowly.  Beans continued to 
weep silently.  Whatever was affecting her was more than 
the simple fear of bad dreams.  Those dreams must be 
bringing back memories.  That must be what's scaring her.

"Mame-chan," she whispered.

Beans pulled her head off of her shoulder.  Her eyes were 
puffy from all her crying.

"Why do you call me that?"  She asked.

"Why are you called 'Beans'?"  She asked back.

"God, I've made such a fool of myself.  I pass out in your 
car, then stay at your house and take all your time," she 
leaned back down again.

"It's quite alright," she assured.  "Mame-chan, why do you 
cry?  What's happened to you that makes you so sad?"

"Bein' sick is never a pleasant experience," she said 
softly, reflectively.

"I can agree with that, but this is more than just being 
sick.  You're remembering something in your dreams, aren't 
you?"

She nodded, on the verge of tears again.

"When I was a little girl I wasn't allowed to be sick.  I 
always had to be strong.  People in our family didn't get 
ill," she cried some more.

"Mame-chan, that doesn't make sense to me.  Everyone gets 
sick every once in a while," she reasoned.

"I realize that now [hiccup], but I wasn't *allowed* to be 
sick.  If I was ill, I went to school any ways.  I had to.  
'If it hurt, oh well, keep goin','" she said in a mocking 
voice, quoting someone, Haruka noticed.  "'If ya think it
hurts now, wait 'til I'm done with ya!  I'll give ya a 
reason to *really* cry!'"

Her tears came in earnest again.  Haruka's heart was torn 
to shreds at hearing this.  Such chilling statements 
horrified her.  It caused her to be afraid.  She pulled 
Beans to her and hugged her tight.

This angered Haruka.  Beans' father had seemed so nice.  
She hugged the girl to her even more.

"You don't know a lot about my real family.  The people you 
met are my adoptive family.  I was taken away from my birth 
father when I was twelve.  I never knew my birth mother."

Adopted?  Haruka thought back to what Michiru had told her 
what Beans had said when she commented about her family.  
It makes sense if she was adopted.

Haruka swallowed the bile collecting in the back of her 
mouth as Beans continued her story.

"He used to punish me when I was sick, or got a poor mark 
in school, or if he just had the whim."  She snorted to 
herself.  "A teacher had noticed one day that I'd always 
come to school bruised."  

She paused then to think.  Apparently coming to a decision, 
she wiggled around so that Haruka saw her back.  Slowly she 
hiked up her shirt to reveal thin stripes that crisscrossed 
her back.

"I was 10 when he did this to me," she sighed softly.  "The 
state got involved and I was taken away from him."  She 
pulled her shirt down and leaned back up against Haruka.

"I got lucky, Haruka.  Usually, older children never get 
adopted, but I was.  I never told them about how he used to 
hurt me.  I was so ashamed and scared.  Not that they'd do 
it to me, but that they'd think I was weak for cryin' over 
spilled milk.

"You're the first person that I've told this to," she 
smiled weakly at Haruka.  She could see the mixture of pain 
and relief in her eyes at finally getting this out into the 
open.  She positioned Beans so that she was leaning up 
against her chest.

"Thank you for trusting me," she said slowly.  Beans was in 
no way weak.  She was, in fact, stronger than her.  The 
strength of her spirit came from having it tempered by 
trial.  The pain, both physical and mental, that she must 
have endured!  There was no doubt in her mind about the 
strength of the person leaned up against her now.

"You're very brave for having lived with this.  I'll help 
you work through your fear, and Michiru too if it's okay 
to tell her?  You don't have to be alone anymore."

Beans smiling at her for that.  "What good is one wi'out 
the other?"  She drawled.

"Indeed," she agreed.

Beans snuggled in some.  "I'm not angry about what's 
happened to me," she commented.  "I don't hold grudges 
because they will more often ruin somethin' for you than 
what you'll gain."

She sighed softly, dug in deeper, then fell asleep.  Haruka 
was certain now that her dreams would be peaceful.

********** Sunday **********

"Haruka?  Beans?"  Michiru opened the door to the guestroom 
slowly.  She discovered that Beans was sleeping soundly 
against Haruka.  

Surprisingly, Haruka was asleep also.  That was *not* like 
her.  Michiru knew that she could easily stay awake for 
extended periods of time without trouble.  For her to be 
asleep would mean that she had let her guard down.  For her 
to let her guard down mean that things were going to be 
alright.

She closed the door quietly behind her.  She would let them 
sleep themselves out.

********** End part 16 **********

Depressing?  Too serious?  Sorry, but this is something 
that I feel strongly about and I wanted to do a story on. 
I'm not going to foist a lot of facts about child abuse on 
you, those are readily available on the 'net if you're that 
interested.  

What I will say is that if you have been abused, it is 
something that affects you for the rest of your life.  
Beans is a strong character in that she's overcame most of 
the pain with a good sense of humor and understanding that 
it wasn't her fault.  Haruka realized Beans' true strength 
at her weakest moment.  Having someone to help her work 
through her remaining pain will make her all the stronger. 

[Lord Charon note] I heartily agree with you, Beans. I've 
been pondering the same kind of idea for a while. Glad to 
know that SOMEONE has got the guts to do it.
