     These'll be brief, folks.  Club Anipike grew out of a couple of silly lines I penned
a few weeks ago.  One never knows who'll drop by next or what's on tap at the bar
for anime and fanfic characters.
     Thanks go to all the folks at Tenchi's Vault of Anime MSTings, of which I am a
proud member.  To Jamie Jeans who borrowed this little idea to use as his new
MSTing format.  All the best of luck to him.  And to Greenbeans, the author of the
"College Life" series, starring Haruka and Michiru of "Sailor Moon."  Now her
character gets her own little cameo.
     Enjoy, anime lovers.  Enjoy, fanboys.  And enjoy, my friends.

     Oh, yeah.  Every character mentioned herein belongs to their creator.  Samantha
Jones belongs to Jamie Jeans, Tuxedo Chris belongs to Chris Caldwell (hope I
spelled that right), and Pat Lee belongs to . . .  whoever.  Any other self-insertion
characters belong to their authors.  "It's three in the morning, do you know where
your writing characters are?"
     The name Anipike belongs to the owners of the Anime Turnpike.  I use it
without their permission, but I figure it's common domain.


                         CLUB ANIPIKE

- - - - -
Part 5
- - - - - 
     "Incoming!"
     Haruka twisted the wheel violently as Michiru shouted the warning.  The
yellow sports car swerved around a lamppost and sought refuge amongst the other
Senshis' cars.  As soon as they screeched to a halt, the two of them turned around
in their seats and looked back expectantly 
     Where they had originally been, a twisted heap of metal crashed into the
ground, raising a cloud of dust.
     The two Outer Senshi got out of their car and exchanged wry grins.
     "Evas," Michiru said simply, hitching her slender body up to sit on the edge
of the hood.
     Haruka nodded and looked over her shoulder.  "Hey, you okay, Beans?"
     From somewhere on the backseat floor, a brown-haired girl peeked up. 
"_What_ was that?" she asked, shakily climbing over the side of the convertible.
     "If you want to know what almost landed on us, I believe it was a
Volkswagen Rabbit."
     Beans stared at the two of them in surprise.  "How can you be so calm? 
You're not going to tell me that you're used to this?"
     Haruka shrugged.  "Well, considering everything that we've been through in
the last few years, something like having a small car fall on you out of a clear
evening sky doesn't rank that high on my list of surprises."
     Then, far away, another metallic crash could be heard.
     Michiru shaded her eyes, squinting into the setting sun.  A tiny black spot
was hanging in the air.  "Haruka. . ."
     Her partner glanced up.  "It's not heading our way," she said, closing her
door.  "Let's go in."
     Off to their right in an abandoned field, another two tons of broken
automobile plummeted into the weeds.
     As they neared the front doors of Club Anipike, they flew open and a bunch
of characters piled out, A-ko, Nuriko, and both Sailor Jupiters among them.
     Shampoo stepped forward.  "You all right?"
     "Just fine," Haruka told her.  Turning around, she eyed the wreckage. 
"Need some help in hauling those scrap heaps off the lot?"
     "If you like.  Nuriko, Dio, and Lita take one closest to cars.  Rest help
Shampoo move one in field."
     The two groups scattered.

     As Beans was jogging along with her friends, a red-haired girl in a fuku
caught up to her.  "Hi!  I don't think we've met before.  Name's A-ko, of the
"Project: A-ko" anime."
     She shook the outstretched hand.  "Beans.  I'm from the "College Life"
fanfiction."
     A-ko smiled.  "Ah.  Self-insertion character.  Any super-powers?"
     "Umm, no."
     "Martial Arts abilities?"
     "Nope."
     "Superior intellect?"
     "Not particularly."
     "Know Japanese?"
     "Well, yeah."
     At that, A-ko broke into a wide grin.  "That can be overlooked.  So, a
decent self-insertion character has finally come to the Club.  It's way past time."
     Beans felt more than a little confused.  "Huh?"
     Michiru leaned over.  "Most fanfic authors here have written themselves
into our series as super-beings, with powers and abilities way beyond our own," she
confided, "They can be rather. . . irritating, at times."
     Shampoo snorted.  "Shampoo think Pat Lee qualify as bit more than
"irritating".  I go to tournament to watch him fall!"*
     "It's a shame Haruka and I can't make it," Michiru sighed, "But none of the
authors used us in their stories."
     "Be thankful for small favours."  That from Haruka.  "Okay, everyone, get
in position and we'll take this heap of scrap out of here.  Beans, do us all a favour
and watch the sky.  If you see a large shape heading for us, yell."
     Beans watched as the other girls encircled the former automobile.  "Hey, if
no one minds me asking, _why_ are cars falling out of the sky?"
     Makoto tossed her ponytail back over her shoulder.  "It's the Evas.  They're
playing their little game of "Kick The Volkswagen."  They're going by distance
tonight, it seems."  She gestured with her head.  "Now, watch for them!  Their aim
isn't always that good."
     With almost no discernible effort, the five anime stars lifted the wreckage up
and tossed it into the back lot of the Club.  Malachite would be able to use it for
spare parts at his auto shop just down the highway.
     Just then, another echoing smash reached Beans' ears.  She started
frantically searching the sky, hoping to find a trace of the missile.  "I think another
one's coming!" she warned.
     Shampoo looked up as well.  "Shampoo see it.  It going to go over us.  We
safe."
     Beans sighed in relief and began to relax a bit.  Looking back up, she gasped
as she was nearly flattened by a doorframe.  "Uh-oh!  It's coming apart up there!"
     A muffler struck the ground a few feet away and stuck there, quivering, as
Makoto raced over and grabbed Beans' arm.
     "Come on!" she yelled, "You'll be safer inside!"
     They had taken less than a dozen steps towards the Club when a shadow
loomed over them.  The two girls glanced up to see a large chunk of metal heading
directly for their piece of ground.
     Beans immediately gave Makoto a hard shove, trying to push her out from
underneath the danger zone, but the Senshi had braced herself and was going
nowhere.
     Too late.  Neither was she.
     "THE . . . WORLD!!"
     Time stopped.
     Literally.
     The falling mass ground to a sudden halt about ten feet off the ground. 
Makoto was frozen in the act of readying a "Sparkling White Hot Pressure" attack
to try and save them both.
     Unable to move, Beans could only watch as the man, Dio, ran past her.  He
leapt into the air and punched a hole through the side of the wreckage with the ease
of punching through tissue paper.  The sound of ripping metal echoed eerily as if
she was hearing things through a tin can.
     A giant, ghostly figure in armour framed him as he swung his arm, throwing
the car back where it came from.  Then the figure slowly faded out of sight,
shrinking back into Dio's body as he returned to earth.
     Time also returned at the same moment.
     Makoto's attack blasted harmlessly into the atmosphere and Beans' legs
failed her as she sat down suddenly.  All around them, car parts sprinkled
harmlessly to the earth, doing no more damage than scratching the paint on a few
cars.  Although some of the Tank Police would be more than a little miffed at the
chips on their machines.
     Off in the distance, another crash signified that the throw had found its
mark.
     Feeling numb, Beans could only stare as Dio offered her his hand.
     "To answer the questions in your head, what you just saw was my Stand,"
he told her, " "The World" has the ability to stop time.  As the user, I can move in
the stillness for the few seconds needed."  He helped her back up.
     She managed to find her voice again, just in time to thank him.
     "No thanks are necessary.  You have been a good influence on Haruka all
the time she has been working for your author.  It would be a shame to lose you. 
Not to mention the horrible retribution the Senshi would take on the crew from
Evangelion for killing you.  The blood feuds would split the Anime world and quite
possibly lead to its destruction."
     Beans shot a glance over at her two friends, as if to say, *He's kidding,
right?*
     Michiru shook her head slowly and drew her thumb across her throat while
pointing at Haruka.  Her partner merely smacked one fist into an open palm.
     Deciding that it was not an issue she really wanted to get into at the
moment, Beans shook her head as well.  "Thanks anways, for saving the Anime
world from self-destruction, then."
     He inclined his head, then spun on a heel and walked away.  A few steps
from the doors of the Club, he threw his head back and began laughing insanely,
getting louder and more intense as he shoved the doors open and strode through.
     Beans shot another glance at Haruka and Michiru.  "He's not well, is he?"
     "Perfectly," Haruka said, "But he wouldn't be one of the greatest villians if
he didn't keep his evil, maniacal, psychotic laughter in tune.  It's quite the stress
reliever, actually."
     "I'll take your word for it," she said dryly, "Now, how about some food? 
That is, if we're done out here."
     Haruka cocked an eyebrow and looked up at the sky.  "Well, looks like that
return throw discouraged them a bit.  I'd say we're finished."  She put her arm
around Michiru's shoulders and shrugged.  "Let's go in.  You can help us rip apart
the latest in bad fanfiction over dinner.  My treat."
     As everyone made their way back inside, no one saw the three giant mechas
now playing tag on the horizon.

- - -

*= Visit the Author Avatar Arena Tournament on Shinji's Vault Of Anime
 MSTings and watch 16 of the worst self-insertion fanfic characters duke it
 out for the prized Author Avatar belt!

Http:\\www.geocities.com\Tokyo\Temple\4007

