
In the darkness between worlds, her eyes flickered open.  They were 
calling her again, tearing her out of her precious, dreamless sleep.  
Their voices were as familiar as anything could be to one who slept 
eternity away; they were almost the only thing she ever had contact 
with, out there in the universe.  They summoned her, and she heard 
echoes of death in their wordless call.  Her death, and that of 
something else . . . whatever it was they were bringing her forth to 
destroy.

*Damn you.*

And she was Awake.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------
"The heart may freeze or it can burn
the pain will ease if I can learn
there is no future
there is no past
I live this moment as my last."
                                       --"Another Day"
                                       from _Rent_ by Jonathan Larson
-------------------------------------------------------------------------

"Answering the Call"

a fanfic by Ysabet  <ysabet_koneko@hotmail.com>
                    <rmacfarl@people.kayhay.com>

original release date: August 13th, 1998



Her queen summoned her as the sun vanished and the Earth began 
to rise on the horizon, a great blue and green orb that reflected 
enough light to keep their part of the moon from ever being truly 
dark.  The princess answered at once, her usually light steps heavy 
with dread.  She kept her face composed as she traveled through the 
palace, and dismissed her bodyguard when they reached the 
queen's chambers.  After he had vanished down the hallway, she 
looked out the window for a minute.  *Surely she won't begrudge 
me this moment.*

The Earth had risen high in the little while it had taken her to reach 
her destination, and now it hung in the night sky, a world of legend 
that was close enough to touch, and yet denied to her.  All the 
worlds of the Silver Millennium were beyond her reach, even the 
one whose name she carried, but the others were worlds which 
answered only to the moon queen.  Earth was an ally, not a subject, 
and the two kingdoms regarded each other with wonder and a trace 
of suspicion.  The more 'advanced' of the terrans envied the lunars 
their seemingly-magical abilities, and their access to the heavens, 
while those who knew of the lunars' existence but not of their 
mortality often saw them as some sort of deities.  The lunars often 
envied those who were earthbound because, despite the variety of 
worlds they could travel to and live upon, the only one that was 
completely naturally hospitable to humans was Earth, with its real 
air and oceans.

The princess of Saturn envied them all.  From the age of four, this 
palace was all the world she had ever known.  Now, she suspected, 
it was time for it to be taken from her.  She had lived for almost 
seventeen years, little more than a heartbeat of her potential lifespan 
. . . and yet it was more than she had been raised to expect.  While 
the daughters of the other Families learned their duties and took 
oaths as sailor soldiers, traveling the solar system and using their 
powers to the fullest, she had been forbidden to don a sailor fuku, 
and forbidden to use her powers at all.  That was her duty.  She was 
resigned to it, and understood it, but still . . . she envied them.

She took a deep breath and, with a last longing glance at the Earth, 
knocked on the door.  When it opened, she walked in with as little 
hesitation as possible, and bowed before her queen.  "Selenity."

"Saturn."  The queen's voice was very soft as it came out of the 
room's darkness.  "Thank you for coming so promptly."

Saturn looked around and wondered to herself what the point in 
delaying would have been.  As her eyes adjusted to the dimness, she 
realized that she wasn't alone with her sovereign.  The three Outer 
soldiers were present as well--all of them!--leaving Castles Charon, 
Triton, and Miranda empty.  So it was true . . . it was time.  Her 
heart sank at this unspoken confirmation.  She forced her voice to 
remain steady as she nodded to the trio.  "Uranus.  Neptune.  
Pluto."

"Princess Saturn," Uranus acknowledged her for the three of them.  
The title stung.  She should be a sailor soldier, like them!

Selenity looked at the girl, her usually distant eyes sad as they 
rested on her.  She addressed the three soldiers behind her without 
looking at them.  "As you can see, she is near Awakening."

Uranus nodded.  "We'll have to look at her, Selenity."

"Of course."  The queen gestured for the leader of these darker 
members of her court to approach.  Saturn swallowed and tried not 
to look nervous as the tall woman stood in front of her and stared 
into her eyes.

"It's all right if you feel like appraising me back, Saturn."  Uranus' 
rich voice was gentle.  Saturn blinked, saw sincerity in the other's 
gaze, and looked back at her, studying this woman who would have 
been her commander if she were allowed to--she stopped that train 
of thought.  She couldn't, and she knew why.  Instead, she silently 
absorbed what information she could.

Uranus had a _presence_ that threatened to overwhelm her, 
centered in her bottomless eyes that changed color while Saturn 
watched, always blue but shifting from gray-tinted to a trace of 
green.  Her hair was a pale white-gold that gleamed in the dimness, 
framing a face set with determination.  She turned away abruptly, 
and Neptune silently appeared beside her.  The ocean soldier was all 
aquamarine as far as Saturn could see; her eyes, hair, and uniform 
were all a virtually identical hue.  The two women simply looked at 
her for a long time, and Saturn noticed the way they stood, so close 
to each other that it was difficult to ignore the fact that they were 
sharing one sphere of 'personal space'.  She remembered that they 
were lovers, and more than that, soul-bound to each other.  She 
remembered that their mission involved spending most of their time 
alone in their Castles, keeping a lonely vigil to protect the solar 
system from invaders.  Lovers who rarely had the chance to touch, 
never mind make love.  And yet they endured the separation, 
something which would never be expected of any other soul-bound 
pair.  Their duty demanded it.

For a moment, Saturn was able to really _see_ the almost physical 
pain the two were enduring as they scrutinized her, so close to each 
other and unable to simply touch.  She came very close to flinching; 
only the thought of what she was expected to give up prevented it.

Uranus' voice startled her.  "Pluto, see what you think."  The pair 
stepped away, and the guardian of Time was before her.  Saturn 
stared.  The other two were rarely seen, it was true, but Pluto was a 
legend, the other sailor soldier who was essentially condemned by 
her mission.  Always alone, without even the comfort of a loved 
one's voice to hold on to.

*But at least she's awake and aware,* came the rebellious thought.  
*I won't even have that much.*  She peered into the older woman's 
face, wondering what she might see there.  The red eyes that studied 
her so coolly were empty, blank in a way that sent chills up her 
spine.  Was that what so much isolation did to a person?

Pluto's examination was brief, almost cursory, and she turned to 
Selenity.  "It is definitely time, Majesty."  There was no resentment 
in her voice as she looked at the queen who had assigned her to live 
outside of Time itself when she was only a little girl, younger than 
Saturn was now.  "The power is growing beyond levels that can be 
controlled by simply keeping her from transforming."

"As I thought."  Selenity sighed audibly.  "Saturn . . . "

The princess looked at her impassively.  "Yes, Majesty?"

"You do understand why this has to be, don't you?"  For a moment 
their eyes met, and the queen's were so pained that Saturn's control 
broke for a moment.

"Yes," she whispered.

"I'm sorry."  Selenity turned away and walked to the other side of 
the room, where she picked up a small box decorated with the signs 
of the Families.  She brought it to the princess and opened it.  Inside 
lay a single transformation wand.

Princess Saturn stared at it.  It was what she wanted most, and it 
essentially meant her death.  She bit her lip, and her eyes closed as 
tears welled up.  "Selenity-sama . . . all I want is to be a sailor 
soldier.  It's in my blood.  I'm not like the others, who got their 
power by being the eldest daughter of their Family.  The magic 
chose my mother randomly from our Bloodline and I was born with 
my sigil shining."  Her eyes opened and she stared at her queen.  
"I'm supposed to be a soldier."  One tear tracked down her cheek.  
"I'm supposed to use my power for you . . . and I can't . . . I have to 
be locked up because of it."  Another tear escaped.  "I can't just be 
killed . . . have to lie there asleep until something needs destroying, 
and then I have to wake up and destroy it and die.  I . . . want to be a 
sailor soldier . . . any of them but who I have to be."

Selenity was white.  "I'm sorry," she repeated, as if the words hurt.  
Maybe they did.  Saturn knew that the queen hated having to do 
this to her almost as she hated having it done.

"I know.  Just tell me . . . will I understand, when I transform?  I 
understand it a little, now, but I don't _feel_ as if I'm dangerous.  
Will I understand?"  Dark violet eyes pleaded for an answer.

The queen was silent; it was Uranus who responded.  "I'm the Sailor 
Uranus who Awakened you the last time, with Pluto, with this 
Neptune's predecessor."  She exchanged a haunted, longing look 
with her partner.  "I saw your eyes when you heard what you had 
to do, and I was with you when you died, though you don't 
remember.  I hope you don't remember.  My mother's sister, the 
Sailor Uranus before me, was one of the ones who put you into that 
sleep I Awakened you from."  Her odd blue eyes looked into 
Saturn's.  "And all I can tell you is that she said you've always 
seemed to understand.  And that I hope I never have to Awaken 
you again.  When you touch that wand, you'll become one of my 
'sisters', and I know it's easier for you to sleep.  I want this to be as 
easy for you as possible."

Saturn believed her.  She closed her eyes again, gathered all her 
courage, and looked at her queen.  When she tried to speak, her 
voice cracked; she tried again.  "Selenity, queen of the moon, I swear 
this oath to you: I, the Named princess of the planet Saturn, true 
daughter of my Family, take on the powers of my Blood in your 
service.  I accept the duty before me, and swear to act as befits a 
sailor soldier; protecting you, your Bloodline, and the worlds of this 
solar system.  I will fight to fulfill my mission at any cost to myself, 
until the end of my life."  She paused.  "As the soldier of the Family 
of Saturn, I accept that my duty is to sleep, unable to harm anyone 
around me with my power, until such time as you summon me 
through your Outer soldiers.  I will be bound by them and I 
understand that they will impart your will to me.  When I answer 
their call, I swear to lay down my life by destroying your enemies.  
Mine is the power of death, the double-edged sword that spills my 
blood with theirs.  Mine is also the power of rebirth, and I accept 
that I will be reborn and take up this mission again, once I have 
fulfilled it.  This is my oath to you."

She sensed the approval of the Outer soldiers, and knew she'd 
covered everything she needed to.  She reached out and took the 
transformation wand out of the box.  For the only time in this 
incarnation, she called out, "Saturn Planet Power, make up!"

The immediate response was the surge of energy that surrounded 
her.  It burned away the princess, and left only a soldier behind.  
Ribbons of black light flared around her hand and coalesced into a 
weapon that stood taller than she did.  "The Silence Glaive," she 
whispered, and realized that it was over.  She was Sailor Saturn.  She 
didn't have to bow as she turned back to Selenity; the power within 
her drove her to her knees.  "Majesty . . . I am the soldier of creation 
and destruction, of death and rebirth . . . and I submit to your will."  
The queen's fingers touched her face, and she felt the sigil of her 
Blood blaze on her forehead.  Their eyes met one more time, and she 
saw the crescent on Selenity's brow gleaming in answer.

Everything changed in the silence that filled the room.  The light in 
her queen's eyes guided her mind to the web that connected all of 
the sailor soldiers.  She felt the light of the four Guardians of the 
Royal Family, felt them sense her presence.  The rush of sorrow 
from all four of them was startling; she'd seen them around the 
palace all of her life, but hadn't realized how much they cared for 
her.  *We were afraid, Saturn.*  She heard one of their voices in her 
head.  Mars?  *Yes.  We were afraid of losing you . . . you're our 
sister, and the loss is a deep one.*

The contact faded; closer at hand, she felt the three darker lights of 
the Outer soldiers.  They were far more like her, she realized, and 
much closer to her.  Ironic, almost tragic, that they must be the ones 
to seal her away.  She looked at them with her eyes and with the 
new inner awareness.  Uranus and Neptune, always together and 
nearly always apart.  Pluto, as alone in her way as Saturn would be.  
The weight of their responsibilities made hers feel almost light, for a 
moment.  At least she would be asleep, unaware.  Until they called 
her.

*Do you understand yet?*  Neptune's voice, as clear as if she'd 
spoken.

*No.*

A wave of sympathy, as strong as a tide on Earth must be, washed 
over her.  *Look inside.  Find the names of your attacks.  See what 
they mean.*

She did so, found the words locked in her subconscious, there to be 
called on.  'Silence Wall', a wall of invisible force that could shield 
almost anything if she was strong enough when she used it.  And 
deeper still, she found it: the attack for which she must sleep.  
'Silence Glaive Surprise'.  Just thinking the words, the weapon in her 
hand trembled with a hunger that shocked and pained her.  There 
was nothing to describe the power she could unleash with those 
words.  All her life she had been told, made to realize that with 
those words she could kill anything she chose, at the cost of one life.  
Her own life.  All her life she had been told . . . but now she 
_understood_, at last.  The weight of it made her double over, and 
the tears fell.

"Do it," she choked out.  She somehow felt Neptune's hesitation as 
Pluto and Uranus stepped forward.  In a strange way, that gave her 
courage.  She forced the tears to stop, forced herself to stand.  "Do it, 
Neptune.  It has to be this way."

The Sword appeared.  The Mirror.  But before she summoned the 
Orb, Pluto looked at her and smiled, a wan smile that held more 
pain than comfort.  "Saturn.  I have seen, in some futures that may 
come to be, a time when you may be born free of this curse."

Saturn smiled back, an equally unlikely smile.  "Don't give me hope, 
Pluto.  I don't think I can bear hope.  Just give me sleep."  She 
looked at them, looked for Selenity; the queen was gone.

"She can't be here.  It won't work if she's here."  Saturn nodded 
acknowledgment of  Uranus' explanation.

"Make me a promise."  They looked at her.  "None of us really 
knows what the future holds; even you, Pluto, can only tell when 
something goes wrong and fix it after the fact. If I should ever . . . 
wake up or be born uncontrolled, promise me that you'll take my 
life before anything goes wrong with my power."

They looked uncomfortable, but Uranus nodded.  "We will.  We 
take care of our own."

Saturn closed her eyes one last time.  "Do it."

She felt their Talismans come together over her, and then the world 
fell out from under her.  Or maybe she fell out of it.  She didn't 
know if they heard her when she said "I hope we never see each 
other again.  It's better that way."

Then she was Asleep.



END

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Comments of all kinds are always welcome.  Please write!
(After September 1, please cc to both email addresses given above as 
one of them may be changing then.  That way you can be sure to 
reach me.)

Thanks to my swarm of pre-readers (Chris Mitchell, Dara North, 
Greenbeans, Helen Szeto, k-chan, Kyanite, and Martin Sasinek) 
for their general help and suggestions, catching some decidedly 
awkward bits, and swapping opinions on my grammar via email, 
ICQ, and actual real-life discussions.  (There was essentially a 50-
50 split on some points.)  ^_^  It was a lot of fun, and I really 
appreciate the help.