The Outer Senshi Series
Story 5
"Love Me Again"
Jackie Chiang <airashii@airashii.org>

----------

Updated Notes (February 2001)

Updated formatting and spelling.

----------

Original Notes:

Quick Copyright notes: This is a fanfic based on Bishoujo Senshi 
Sailormoon, an anime/manga created by Takeuchi Naoko.  Characters
 belong to her and all others associated with rights [Toei, Bandai,
Kodansha, etc], but the story line, ideas, and any other characters
 are created by me.  1997 - Jackie Chiang

----------

I probably shouldn't have told her.  After a quick glance, I definitely
 should not have told her.  Face down, hair covering it like a drape, she
 is silent.  No words come from her, only a tension in the air.

Finally: "You've really outdone yourself this time, Haruka."

"Neo-Queen Serenity?"

"I'm sorry, Uranus, reflex," the Queen says, sighing.  She is disappointed 
in me, it's very obvious.  Only a fool could not recognize the emotion so 
plainly written on her face.  Her hands are folded in her lap, and she is 
staring at me, no, through me.

"And I suppose Neptune knows?"

"No, Queen, she doesn't."

Sighs.  "Then it might work out still."

"Your Majesty?"  I am unsure of what she means.

"You may realize that what is occurring between you and Neptune now is not 
what was meant to be.  Your foolishness in your past led to this brink in 
your love."

I would be shocked by her flatness, her harshness, if I didn't know that
 she was saying it only because she wished to see me happy.

"Yes."

"You must go back and change it," she finally says, turning away.

"But..."

"Pluto will understand, perhaps," Serenity states.  "Go now...  You must
 pose as Tenoh Haruka, your former self, and correct what went wrong.  I
 can only hope that you are successful, Uranus."

"Thank you, Serenity."

I turn and leave.  Neptune is waiting outside of the door, leaning against
 the wall.  She sees me but makes no move to greet me.  I walk past her,
 and she nods coolly, rising, following me, but at a distance.

"What did she want?" Her voice is sharp, so unlike it used to be so many
 years ago.

"Why should I tell you?" My retort is equally biting.

She shrugs, eyes narrowing.  Her response to so many things I say to her.
  The love of our relationship died out a long time ago...  At least, the
 love we had.  I still love her, but only her memory, how she used to be.
  When I look at her now, I feel nothing but a painful coldness, the same
 thing she feels for me.  We hold no delusions about ourselves.  We hate
 each other, now, all because of a misunderstanding from the past.

"I'm to see Pluto today," I say.

"What?  Why her?" Her voice is suspicious.

"The Queen ordered it.  You are to remain here with Saturn until I return."

"Very well." Her voice defrosts just a degree.  She does love Saturn, like
 I do, as a daughter.

"Good-bye, Neptune."

She seems surprised by my formalness.  It's only a simple visit, after all.
  Why such a finality to my tone, she is wondering.  I smile.  I hope never
 to see _her_ again, if all goes well.

"Good-bye, Uranus."

With a glance, she turns and walks away from me.

"Michiru..."

I continue on to outside of the palace, towards the Time Gate.  Pluto is
 there, standing guard.  She sees me, seems a bit surprised at my coming.

"Uranus," she greets me.

"Pluto.  Neo-Queen Serenity has sent me to return to the past."

Pluto nods, briefly.  "What time, approximately?"

I know the exact year, telling her.  Her eyes widen as she realizes the
 impact of that year.

"The Queen supports this venture?" She asks, carefully.  "She does realize
 that you could alienate Neptune even further by doing so?"

"She knows, as do I."

The senshi reluctantly hands me a key, pressing it into my palm.  "Uranus,
 this is your way home...  Just activate it by touching it and wishing to
 return.   You can also use it to contact me if you need to.  Try not to 
screw up, ok?"

She smiles, then lets go of my hand.  Turning her Garnet Staff, she opens
 the Time Gate.  I enter hesitantly, and as the doors close behind me, I
 hear her whisper, "Good luck, Uranus."



She looked around.  Still no sign of her.  She felt irritated.  God, why
 was Haruka so late, _this_ late?  She should have gone home after two 
hours, but no, here she was, still waiting after four.

She stood up.  What a an idiot.  Haruka hadn't changed a bit.  She
 claimed she'd changed.  Like the naive, stupid, hopeful fool she'd been,
 she'd believed her.

"This is what I get.  Michiru, you need to get a life."

Walking to the bookstore nearby the park, she felt her blood boiling.  
Repeating the conversation over in her mind, she could still see the 
desperate, pleading look on Haruka's face, the words falling from her
 lips.

Stupid, arrogant, using, deceitful, bit-

"Michiru-mama!"

Michiru heard Hotaru's happy yell.  She smiled as the young, purple haired
 girl ran up to her, throwing herself in her arms.

"Hotaru-chan," she laughed, bending down. "What are you doing?"

"Setsuna-mama sent me out to find you and Haruka-papa.  Where is she?"

Michiru's smile wavered a bit.  "I don't know, Hotaru-chan."

"She stood you up again?" Hotaru's voice dropped, her cheerful look 
vanishing from her face.

Her mother didn't answer, biting her lip.

"But she said she would change," the child said, on the verge of tears.
  "Did she lie?"

Michiru was at a loss of words.  What could she say?  Lie full out front,
 just to cheer her up temporarily?  Or tell her the truth, dashing her
 hopes?

Maybe... maybe Haruka had a valid excuse for not arriving.  It would be 
better to rely on that delicate, far out chance, rather than hurting the
 girl right then.

"No, of course not, Hotaru-chan," Michiru said reassuringly.  "I forgot
 that Haruka said she'd be late, that she had an emergency."

Hotaru looked up.  "Really?" Her whole expression changed.  She laughed,
 full of energy again.

Michiru's heart broke, then surged with anger.  Haruka better have a damn
 good excuse.  She would never forgive her for hurting Hotaru, never.

"Run along home now, ok?" Michiru kissed Hotaru gently on the head.  
"I'll be home for dinner in another hour or so."

"Ok, Michiru-mama," Hotaru said.  "Bye!"

Michiru remained crouched, balancing on her feet, watching the child run
 home.  "Haruka...  Liar...  If you ever do this to me again, I'll make
 you pay."


She wandered around, getting the feel for the 20th century.  It was odd,
 so different from Crystal Tokyo.  She was wearing clothes that she'd 
worn when she was younger.

Younger...  Serenity and Pluto had known that when she was sent back to
 the past, she would replace the Haruka of this time...  Well, sort of.
  She was in her own body, just her 20th century one...    It worked that
 way, sometimes.  She wasn't too sure on how that worked out, but she 
trusted their ideas and knowledge on time traveling.

She went over in her mind on what had happened.  This was the year in
 which she and Michiru had promised to make up, after what had happened
 before.  But she hadn't fulfilled her end of the agreement, and Michiru
 hadn't ever forgiven her.

No one had ever understood what exactly had happened between them except
 for Setsuna and, recently, Serenity.

That previous year, Haruka had been obsessed with racing...  Overly obsessed
 to be perfectly blunt.  Her career suddenly became the most important to
 thing in her life to her...  More important than spending time with Hotaru,
 Setsuna, or even Michiru.  She gradually spent more and more time on the
 track, practicing racing.  And gradually, she broke more and more of her
 meetings with her friends and family.

After she had missed her anniversary with Michiru, the other girl was fed
 up.

"I don't know what happened to us, Haruka," she had said.  "But you're not
 the same person you were before.  You love racing more than you love us."

"That's not true.  I just need to concentrate more on this; this is my
 dream, you know that."  Haruka's voice was low.

"Do I?  When the hell are you going to start realizing that you have other
 responsibilities now?  You've been ignoring Hotaru like crazy.  She's never 
sure whether you can make her violin recitals, whether you're going to be 
there when she needs you."  Michiru was angrier than she had ever been 
in her life.

"That's because I'm busy.  Besides, I'll always be there," Haruka snapped.

"Really.  What about Setsuna?" Michiru asked, dripping with sarcasm.  "She
 has her dreams too, or have you forgotten?  When is she supposed to have
 time to go to the lab if she's at home with Hotaru, because I'm away and
 you're never home?"

"Get a baby-sitter," Haruka answered.  "God knows we have enough money for
 that."

"You see, you _have_ changed.  Last year, you'd never dream of leaving 
Hotaru alone with anyone but us or one of the other girls..." Her hand went
 to her neck, where it touched the gold necklace Haruka had given her the
 year before.  She unclasped it, holding it in her hand.  Then, standing up,
 she violently threw it at Haruka.  "Damn you.  I hope to hell that your 
racing is enough to keep you happy, since I don't ever want to see you
 _near_ any of us again."

"You can't do that," Haruka said angrily.  She shoved the necklace into
 her pocket, ignoring the pain inside of her.

"Want to bet?" Michiru smiled, her face completely void of any emotion.
  "I just have.  If you ever try to even touch Hotaru, I'll swear to God
 that you'll pay."

She left.  Haruka never even attempted to see any of them, concentrating
 only on racing.  Several months later, she had met Michiru again, asking 
if they could start over.  Michiru had reluctantly agreed, and things had
 been working ok between all of them...

Until... until she had been notified that she had a chance to become the
 best formula 1 racer in the world if she won the next few races.  Then 
things had gone downward again, with the obvious reemergence of her need
 to be the best.

But the last time, Haruka really had decided that she loved Michiru more 
than racing...  But by then it was too late.  Michiru had refused to listen
 to her explanations, hating her for breaking her promises.  Haruka hated
 her for not forgiving nor understanding her.

Hotaru had intervened, remaining in contact with Haruka, and they did things
 together, like a parent and child, which upset Michiru to no end.

In Crystal Tokyo, they were forced to work together again, as Uranus and
 Neptune.  Their hatred for each other made them excellent rivals, even
 though they still worked well together.  But that was a result of their
 feelings for their queen than any desire to get along.

"So I have to fix up what I did..." Haruka mused to herself then.  She
 looked at her watch.  "Shit..."

She then remembered that this was the day when she broke her second date
 with Michiru.

"Damn," Haruka swore.  She remembered all too clearly the rage on Michiru's 
face that quickly cooled down to indifference.

"I wouldn't expect anything else, Haruka," Michiru had said to her alone,
 mockingly.  "I guess you forgot all about us when you were racing, huh?
  I won't compete with a car for you again."

"You are such an _idiot_, Haruka.  Why the hell did you let racing get in 
the way of your relationship?" she muttered to herself as she ran to the
 park, where she was supposed to meet Michiru four hours ago.

Michiru was there, reading a book, sitting beneath a tree.

She looks so calm, so pretty, Haruka thought, slowing down, stopping at a
 distance in order to watch the girl.  She was younger, obviously, and she 
had a calm smile on her lips as she read, an expression Haruka had only 
seen on Neptune once, and quickly at that.

"Michiru."

Michiru didn't look up, a pained expression crossing her face.  "I'm glad to
 see you finally decided to show up, Haruka.  I was beginning to think that
 you wouldn't, at all."

"Michiru, I-"

"You were racing, right?"  She closed her book sharply, her eyes downcast.
  "Forgot about the time.  It's ok, I don't mind.  I wouldn't expect 
anything else from you."

"No, Michiru, that's not it."

"Look, I don't want to hear any of your damn excuses," Michiru snapped, 
standing up.  "If you forgot about our date, just say so.  Don't lie to
 me again."

"Actually, I wasn't lying," Haruka interjected, mildly.  She had forgotten
 how stubborn Michiru could be.

That surprised Michiru, the calm voice.  She glanced at Haruka.  Her eyes
 narrowed somewhat, studying her.  There was... something different about
 her...  What was it...?  She looked the same, but something seemed out of
 place.

"Nevermind, it doesn't matter if you are or if you aren't." She felt tired.
  "I said I'd give you three chances, you blew this second one...  I'll be
 honest.  If you're going to screw the last one, you might as well do it
 now.  I _hate_ being toyed with, as you know...  Or used to know...  So
 please, just don't waste my time."

Haruka grabbed Michiru's wrist.  "Why?  Don't you think I've changed?  
Don't you want to know if I have?"

Michiru gave her a cold look, eyes hard.  "Let go," she said.  "You haven't 
changed at all."

Haruka leaned down, kissing Michiru.  She hadn't done that for a very long
 time, not being able to get near Neptune...  Not that she had wanted to.
  Michiru remained very still.

"Michiru," Haruka said softly as she pulled away, "I swear that I'll make
 it up to you."

Michiru looked away, suddenly angry with herself, but still...  Why was
 she feeling hopeful at the other's tone of voice?


"Haruka-papa!  You're home!  And with Michiru-mama!" Hotaru was pleased.

"Hi, Hotaru-chan," Haruka said, bending down to hug her.  It had been
 so long since Hotaru had been such a little girl!

Michiru had a faint smile on her face that faded as Haruka looked at her.

Still pissed at me? Haruka wondered.  Probably.  You _did_ act like a bitch
 for the last year.

"How was your day?" Setsuna asked, coming in from the kitchen.

"Uh-" Haruka was startled for a minute to see Setsuna.  She told herself
 that this wasn't Pluto in the future...  Setsuna from the past.

"Something came up, so we didn't go out," Michiru murmured.

Setsuna nodded, glancing at Haruka with a worried face.  Setsuna was the
 one who still believed in her, after all, not Michiru.  Later, Haruka 
recalled telling everything to a colder Setsuna, who had eventually 
forgiven her.  Ironic, that...  But Setsuna wasn't the one Haruka had 
hurt...

"I'm not feeling very well, Setsuna, so I think I'll skip dinner and go
 to bed."  Michiru smiled wearily.

"But, Michiru-mama, you like Setsuna-mama's pasta," Hotaru protested.

"Shh, Hotaru-chan.  Michiru-mama is tired, let her rest," Haruka murmured.

Michiru looked surprised for a moment, then shook her head, saying good
 night and heading up the stairs.

Haruka watched her go, wondering how the hell she was supposed to make 
everything right again.


"Pluto," Haruka said, lying in bed, talking to the key.

"Uranus?" Pluto's voice was distant.  She laughed shortly, her voice becoming
 clearer and more audible.  "This reminds me of my conversations with Small 
Lady... Only you're not calling me Puu."

Haruka grinned in the darkness.  "I can do that, if it makes you feel 
better..."

Pluto laughed again.  "No... That's all right...  So, how are things between
 you and Neptune?  I mean, Michiru?"

"I'm not sure," Haruka answered truthfully.  "I'm not sure how I'm supposed
 to get to her that I do want to make up.  Dammit, why did I screw up so
 badly?"

"You were young, foolish, took her for granted," Pluto supplied.  She
 sighed.

"So what do I do?  She really told me off today..."

"I..." Pluto paused, controlling her voice so that the sly idea in her
 mind would come out perfectly serious.  "I guess you'll just have to 
woo her."

"WOO her?!" Haruka sputtered.  "That's such a... 20th century thing!"

"You _are_ in the 20th century," Pluto said, amused.  "And this _is_
 the Michiru you knew before."

"She didn't expect me to do this type of thing for her," Haruka muttered.

"That was before you screwed up."

"Yeah, yeah...  Anyway, I was thinking... Suppose I do make everything 
right again?  When I leave, won't my present self just mess up what I 
fixed again?"

Pluto was silent.  "No... I don't think so.  Remember how you told me you
 realized that you loved her more than racing?  If you manage to fix 
everything by that day, then leave afterwards, your present self should
 assume that Michiru forgave her, than go on living like you still loved
 each other."

"Isn't that a paradox though?" Haruka asked, staring at the ceiling.  "I
 mean, I'll _know_ that I went to the past to right everything..."

"That's why time travel is tricky," Pluto sighed.  "This is what Serenity
 and I talked over...  Supposedly, at a certain point in your future, you'll
 remember that this happened, remember that you in the future did go back
 to set things straight.  Therefore when you come back, you'll still know
 what you did without creating a whole paradox... And this is retroactive
 too..."

"This is all assuming that I _do_ get Michiru to love me again, right?"

"Yes...  Assuming you don't mess things up even more..."

"Will you remember this?"

"Yes.  You, Serenity, and I should be the only ones who know this happened,
 regardless if you succeed or not, since we were all involved."

"Ok...  I guess that's all...  Thanks, Puu..." She yawned, feeling tired.

"Go to sleep, Uranus," Pluto said, and Haruka could almost see her grinning.



She's ignoring me, Haruka thought, watching Michiru.  The girl was reading
 another damn book...

Taking her to the beach hadn't done too much.  She simply read, not swimming,
 not talking, not doing anything but looking at the words.

They were alone, in a private area that Haruka recalled from her younger
 days.  It was still there, and that pleased her in some odd way.

"Michiru?"

She looked up, smiling in an insincere way.  "Yes, Haruka?"

"Why aren't you swimming or doing something?"

Michiru looked away.  "I _am_ doing something.  I'm reading this book.  It's
 very good, you should read it sometime..."

"Fuck the book, what's the real reason?"

"You swear too much," Michiru said, idly, flipping a page.

"And you don't?"

"Only around you," she laughed.

"Uh huh...  And why do I get this special treatment?"

She stopped laughing.  "You know why."

Haruka felt irritated.  "I said I'd changed."

"And I don't believe you," she answered matter-of-factly.

"You said you'd give me one more chance though," Haruka said, irritated.

"And I'm waiting for you to screw it up, so I can have you out of my life."

That stung.  Haruka fell silent.

"What if you're wrong?" She finally said.

"I'm hardly ever wrong, you know that."  Michiru said that with bitterness.

"You've been having different thoughts since last night, I see."

"Maybe."

That was such a childish response that Haruka couldn't help but laugh.  The
 green haired girl smiled slightly, recognizing her immaturity as well.

"You're so cute sometimes, Michiru," Haruka said.  She threw a rock into
 the waves.

Michiru was quiet.  That was such an odd thing to say.  "You're so cute
 sometimes..."  It sounded like something Haruka would have said before,
 before her obsession with racing.

She set her book down, taking off her collared shirt.  She got on her feet,
 heading towards the water.

"Going swimming?" Haruka called.

"Yeah." Her answer was short.

"Can I join you?"

"If you want."

Haruka followed Michiru.  The other girl walked straight into the water
 without testing it.  She was like that.

Haruka frowned, putting her foot in the waves.  She pulled back.  Damn, that
 was _cold_.  Michiru was absolutely insane if she expected her to get into
 the water...  Then again...  Maybe she didn't want Haruka to swim with her.

"Here goes nothing," Haruka muttered to herself.  She went into the water,
 shivering like mad at the coldness.

Michiru was meanwhile floating on her back, staring at the sky.  Haruka
 swam over to her.

"Lovely, isn't it?" Michiru asked.

"It's too damn cold," Haruka said.

Michiru smiled.  "You wanted to come."

"Only because of you."

The other frowned.  "I wish you wouldn't say things like that."

"Why not?  It's true."

Michiru rolled over, swimming beneath the water.  Haruka watched her swim
 away, feeling angry and hurt.

I can't get to her...  She's still shutting me away...

Haruka, why are you doing this to me?  God, I can't bear to be hurt again
 by you...  Just leave me alone.


Setsuna noted the mixed expressions on the faces of the two girls as they
 arrived home.  Michiru immediately went to her room.

"Hotaru-chan, why don't you go outside to play?" Setsuna told the girl
 gently.

Hotaru nodded, sensing that she shouldn't protest.  She ran out the door,
 calling a greeting to Haruka on her way out.

Haruka nodded, seeming not to notice her.

"Haruka?" Setsuna asked quietly.

"Damn!" Haruka suddenly slammed her fist against the wall.

"Haruka, calm down!" Setsuna yelled.

"Damn," the other repeated, this time softer.  "She won't listen to me...
  She's not even going to give me another chance."

"She's scared, Haruka.  She doesn't want you to hurt her again, like you did
 last time."

"Yeah?  Well, I'm scared too...  God, if I lose her again..."  Haruka meant
 losing her again like she had last time...  In the future, Neptune was gone
 forever from her.

"Don't give up," Setsuna said, taking Haruka's words as meaning the year
 before.  "God, you better not give up on her...  I won't forgive you if 
you do."

"Setsuna."

"I mean it," the other whispered.  "Giving up means that you don't give a
 damn about her."

"That's harsh."

"It is."  She said it with such finality that Haruka nodded.  "Now, get
 ready for dinner...  And call Michiru down while you're at it."


"Michiru?"  Haruka called, knocking on the girl's door.

"Come in, the door's unlocked."

Haruka opened it, going inside.  She closed the door behind her, looking
 around.  It was as she had remembered it.  White walls, sea green curtains,
 a neat bed, table, chair, dresser, everything...  Tasteful, elegant, simple.

Michiru was in the bathroom, she guessed, as she walked over to the dresser.
  She noticed a picture.  Picking the frame up, she saw that it was a picture
 of Michiru and herself, standing near a balcony that overlooked the ocean.
  They were smiling, both visibly happy.

If she kept this picture...  Then, she probably still could work things out
 with her, right?

"Setsuna-" Michiru's voice stopped.

Haruka set down the picture, turning around.  Michiru was wearing a blue
 collared shirt and white shorts, her hair wet, a white towel around her 
neck.

"Oh, Haruka, it's you."  She said that with such an empty tone...

"Dinner's ready."

"I'll be down in a few minutes, I have to dry my hair."  She sat down on
 her bed, doing so.

"Here, let me do that for you," Haruka said, going to her and taking the 
towel from her.

"No, you don't have to," Michiru protested sharply.

"It's ok."  Haruka sat down next to her, carefully drying the green hair.

Michiru was silent, again.  Haruka would have found it embarrassing, if not
 for the fact that both of them thought of her act as more than simply nice.
  It was in a very loud way, intimate.

Haruka heard her sigh, softly, then close her eyes.  That was good...  She
 hoped.  At least she wasn't fighting her.

"Michiru?"

"Yes?" Her answer was bland.

"I was wondering if you wanted to go to dinner tomorrow night."

"Why?"

Michiru could be extremely snotty when she wanted to... Which she definitely
 wanted to be right then.

"To eat."

The answer was plain, sharp and checking.  To reinstate Michiru's deliberate
 immaturity.

"Fine, what time?"  She had acknowledged that Haruka had won their short,
 tacit battle, one sophisticated enough to not involve yelling or physical
 hurt.

"Be ready about 7," Haruka answered, inwardly relieved.  "Wear fairly formal
 clothes.  Sea food restaurant..."

Michiru laughed suddenly, smiling in spite of herself.  "You seem to be 
trying pretty hard, Haruka."

Haruka stopped rubbing her hair.  She leaned forward, kissing Michiru on the
 head.  "I'm not the one who's not making this work."

Michiru froze.  "Haruka..."

Haruka folded her arms around her, holding her tightly.  Michiru found herself
 leaning back into the embrace.

"You smell nice," Haruka whispered.

"You feel nice," Michiru murmured, not thinking.  She always felt so safe
 in Haruka's arms.

Haruka smiled.  Obviously Michiru still had _some_ feelings for her...  And
 after tomorrow, she might have forgiven her completely.

"Michiru-mama?" Hotaru's voice was outside of the door, accompanying her
 light tapping.

Michiru pulled away, realizing what she was doing.  "I'll be right there,
 Hotaru-chan."

She waited until she heard Hotaru running down the stairs before she turned
 to look at Haruka.

"Thanks, Haruka," she said quickly, blushing.  Then seeming to think she 
might have sent the wrong message, added quickly, "For drying my hair."

"No problem," Haruka said, wondering why she was so nervous all of a sudden.

"Right."  Nervous, so damn nervous.  She threw an unreadable look at Haruka
 before opening the door and leaving the room.

Haruka remained sitting, holding the towel in her hands.   Ok, so maybe...
  Maybe what?  What did this... all mean?


"She seemed relaxed after I dried her hair," Haruka said, staring out the
 window at the moon.  "But then she suddenly turned cold...  Well, not cold,
 exactly...  She seemed frightened of me...  Or maybe she wasn't...  God, 
what the hell am I supposed to know what she's feeling?  She never talks 
to me anymore."

Pluto sighed.  "She does have feelings for you still, apparently."

"I know _that_.  But I don't understand why she keeps changing moods."

"Time of the month?" Pluto's tone was amused.

"Nah, she's always the second week of the month," Haruka said absently,
 tapping her finger on the window sill.  "Same as me."

Pluto made a choking sound.

"Something wrong?"

"God, Uranus, you sound so much like an insensitive _guy_ when you say
 that!"

Haruka glared into the darkness angrily.  "Guys don't have periods."

She laughed.  "I should hope not."

"Anyway...  What's your real take on her?"

"She's fighting herself," Pluto said presently.

"Come again?"

"Uranus, you know you're not that dense, even if you _are_ a blond."

Haruka snickered, turning around to face the empty room.  "Well aimed, 
Puu.  Ok, fine, you know I know this, I just want to be reassured that 
you think I'm right."

"You're right."

"That's it?"

"What do you want?"

"More of an explanation would help," Haruka said sarcastically.

"Face it, Uranus, you're more of a guy than you'll admit."

"I can prove otherwise."

A gasped choke.  "Noooo...  That's ok.  Anywaaay...  Serious, now, ok?"
  Pluto's voice was silent for a minute.  "She loves you, but she doesn't
 want to admit it, because she's worried that you'll just take that chance
 to shove it in her face."

"She says she wants me to screw up so she can get over it..."

Pluto whistled.  "Wow...  Neptune shows her dark side."

"Pluto..."

"Ok, ok.  That's pretty bad, though, truthfully.  I've never known her to say
 anything like that."

"Not to _your_ face," Haruka said ruefully.  She laughed.  "In the future,
 she's said quite more than that to me..."

"I'll bet."  A cynic's reply.

Haruka could hear footsteps in the hallway.  A light turned on from another
 room, she could see the glow from underneath the door.  Then, quiet, gentle
 singing.

Michiru and Setsuna singing to Hotaru to sleep...  Haruka opened her door
 slightly, leaning against the wall, listening.

"You and Michiru are putting Hotaru to bed," Haruka said, quietly.  "You
 sound really good together...  Wonder why you never joined a chorus?"

"We did that quite a lot to Hotaru..." Pluto sounded vaguely wistful, 
remembering her past with the others.

"She sounds lovely," Haruka said, her voice distant.

"You'd think so."  Pluto smiled to herself.  "You're really a softy at heart,
 aren't you?"

"Wait a minute-" Haruka said, startled, shutting the door again.

"Don't wait a minute me...  You're always going mushy on me when you talk
 about her."

"I've been reading Hallmark cards, that's all," Haruka snapped irritably.

"Riiight...  Good night, Uranus."

"Pluto..."

No response from the key.  Since when had Pluto gotten an attitude? Haruka
 reflected.  Maybe she'd always had it...  Probably.

"Well, at least now I know that I'd better think twice before picking a 
fight with her..." she mused aloud.


"It was a lovely dinner, Haruka." Michiru folded her napkin, placing it on
 the table.  "Thank you."

Haruka smiled, though inwardly she was groaning.  Thank you, thank you,
 thank you.  I don't want your damn thank you's.

Well...  Michiru was much more relaxed, that was a point in her favor.  She
 had on a pretty green dress, the type with straps, green stones in her
 ears [though Haruka wasn't about to guess if they really were emeralds or
 not, since they very well could be, but why should she think Michiru would
 care enough about this date to make that gesture?], and a gold necklace,
 thin, with a green crystal hanging at the end of it.

Haruka herself was wearing a white sports jacket over a blue shirt, and 
white slacks.  She chose not to wear her hooped earrings, for no reason in
 particular other than the fact that she simply didn't feel like it.

Michiru sipped her drink, wine.  It was her third glass, but they were small
 glasses anyway, and she was used to drinking without getting drunk.  Still...
  Even with glasses that size, she never drank more than one, perhaps two
 at the most.  She seemed preoccupied, not really paying attention.

"Something wrong?" Haruka inquired, slightly annoyed.

"No, not at all, why?" She didn't even look at her when she answered, her
 voice vague and quiet.

"Could have fooled me."

"Hmm."

"Michiru, what _is_ it?" Control yourself, you don't want to push her away
 any further do you?  Enough's enough though...

"I keep thinking about how this... reminds me of us before," she said 
slowly, staring into her glass, smiling, but not really.

"And...?"  That's bad?  That's good?  What?  Why don't you talk to me?

"And nothing...  That's it."  She made a face, looking up again.  "Damn,
 I hate being here."

Haruka tried to grab hold of her mixed feelings, but it didn't work.  
"What's _that_ supposed to mean?"

Michiru looked startled.  She smiled, a real one, amused.  "No...  I 
mean, I don't mind being with you, I hate being stuck in a restaurant."

"So you don't mind my company?"

"No."  Her smile fell a little bit.  "That's funny, I suppose, but it's
 so... nice being with you now."

"So you admit that I have changed?"

"Changed?" Her eyes searched Haruka's.  "I wouldn't say that...  But 
there's something different about you..."

I'll say.  Tell her that I'm really from the future, only replacing the
 myself in the past until I can set things straight?  Right, she'd 
probably laugh at you, or slap you, or say she'll never see you again.

Haruka put her hand over Michiru's.  Michiru had a puzzled look on her
 face that quickly faded into one of embarrassment.  She was blushing 
again.

But it was Haruka who pulled away first.  "I'll be right back."

"All right."

Haruka stood up, heading towards the bathroom.  Just before she got there,
 which was far away from their table, she changed course and went out one of
 the doors, marked for smokers.

Fortunately no one was outside on the balcony.  She hated smoke; she just
 needed to think.

God, what am I _doing?_ she wondered frantically.  Are you falling in love
 with her again?

What do you mean?  I've always been in love with her.

No...  Are you falling in love with her now, as in the Michiru of the 20th
 century?  You can't do that...  You won't be able to be with her.  You have
 to return to the 30th century.

Wait...  What the hell are you thinking?  She's the same person, past and
 future.

Or so you hope...  If you mess up, you'll never see _this_ Michiru again.  
And even if things do turn out right, what makes you so certain that she'll
 be the same in the future?  People change...  Things change... Life changes.
  So don't go falling in love with her here, when she's young.  You're not
 a part of her real life here; you don't belong here.

Haruka shuddered...  No, her stupid rational side was wrong...  But right,
 all at the same time.

_Was_ she falling for Michiru... a different one?  But this was the one she
 knew so well...  Or used to know.

You're 1000 years older...  She's still 20...  What are you trying to pull?

I have no idea...


Michiru's face was turned away from hers, though it was resting on her
 shoulder.  They danced slowly together.

Michiru had protested at first, not wanting to dance, but Haruka had
 taken her hand, and she couldn't refuse.

"Michiru?" Haruka murmured.

"Yes?" Her voice was soft.

"This isn't that bad, right?"

Michiru laughed.  "That's so unlike you...  To be unsure."

Haruka tightened her arms around the other.  Michiru smiled into her
 shoulder, turning her head to face Haruka's face.  She closed her
 eyes, sighing.

They continued dancing.  When the music stopped, Haruka pulled away,
 expecting them to stop as well.  Surprisingly, Michiru didn't let go.
  Instead she moved closer to Haruka.

"Don't let go...  Let's just keep dancing, please..." Her request was
 quiet but desperate.

Haruka nodded as another slow song began.  "I won't... ever."


They walked along the beach together.  It was minorly chilly, but neither
 seemed to notice.

"We used to do this a lot," Haruka said finally.

"Yes...  It was nice...  This is nice."

She wanted to say something else, but she didn't have the courage.  She
 wanted to tell Haruka that...  Tell Haruka...  Say...

"Michiru?"

She took a deep breath.  "Haruka...  This has been a wonderful evening, I
 mean it...  But... do _you_ mean this?"

"What?"

"You're not going to go back, are you?" Her voice was desperate, worried.
  "You really want to make things work again?"

"Michiru-"

"Because if you aren't..."  Her face was downcast, her eyes closed tight, 
near tears.  "Just say so...  So I don't make a fool out of myself.  I 
don't know why you suddenly changed after that day last week...  But,
 please, stay this way."

Haruka didn't know what to say.  "Do... you love me still, Michiru?"

"Stupid," Michiru whispered, wiping her eyes with her hand.  "What a stupid
 question to ask.  You already know, otherwise why would you even pretend
 to try?"

She was shivering.

"Here," Haruka said, taking off her jacket.  She placed it around the other's
 shoulders.

"Thanks," Michiru murmured.  She was angry for having said those things, 
Haruka knew.

Haruka kissed her on the cheek, quickly, gently.  "I'm serious, Michiru.
  I won't let you down again."

Michiru's hand found hers, holding on to it tightly.

I _am_ falling in love with her here...  I don't ever want to leave her...
  I can't leave her...


"There's been a bit of a problem, Serenity," Pluto said, biting her lip,
 glancing at the queen.

"With regards to Har- Uranus?"

"Yes...  I've been talking to her...  And I get the feeling that she's
 growing attached to Michiru."

"Is that bad?"

"Normally... no.  They _are_ lovers, of course, they had been, until that
 year...  But I get the feeling that it's going to be hard for Uranus to
 leave the 20th century."

"I see..."

"Not very pleasant work...  Her relationship is growing dangerous.  She has
 another three days to spend there before she must return."

"Does she know this?"

"No...  I haven't told her yet..."

"You must, of course."

"I know, Serenity...  But I'm afraid she won't take it easily..."


Haruka watched her sleep.  She was peaceful, when she slept.  Her face was
 soft, gentle, much like a child in some respects.  She placed her hand on
 her face, feeling the warmth.

"Uranus."

Pluto...  Carefully, Haruka got out of the bed, dressing, and exiting the
 room.

"What is it?"  She was minorly annoyed at being interrupted.

"Things went well?"

"Yes, very."

"Uranus, I must know if you are... involved with Michiru?"

"Of course I am," she snapped irritably.

"In all respects?"

"In all respects."

"I was afraid of that..."

"Why do you say that?  Aren't you glad?  Everything's fine now."

"Uranus... you _do_ know that you have to return to the 30th century."

The statement was like a splash of cold water on her.  "Return..."

"Yes...  Actually, in 3 days." She tried to keep her voice controlled.

Unfortunately, Haruka didn't seem to care about that problem.  "3 days?!"

"I see...  So you never thought about actually coming back, had you?"

"Yes, I have..." she answered.  "But... I didn't think that I would..."

"Never thought you really would have to?" Pluto said.  "But you must."

"Why?" Haruka asked, very softly.

"If you don't, you may very well have disrupted the balance...  Too much
 has already been set up for you to come here in the first place."

"You don't understand...  I love her...  I can't possibly leave her."

"You have 3 days."

"Compared to the rest of my life..."

"Uranus...  You must face reality.  While right now you are in your 20th
 century body, you're much older than that...  Much older."

"So?"

"You're not being realistic."

"I don't care."

"Uranus!"

"Leave me alone."

"What about the future?"

Haruka didn't respond.

"What about all of us in the future?  Don't you care what happens to us?
  The Queen, the king, the princess...  Mercury, Mars, Venus, Jupiter...
  Saturn, myself... Neptune."

"But I _can't_..."

"I can't change your mind, Uranus...  But you need to stop being so selfish.
  What about yourself, your 20th century self?  Doesn't she need the chance
 to live too?"

Haruka sank to the ground.  "I..."

The key's light faded, leaving her alone in the darkness of the hallway.

"Haruka?" Michiru sounded worried, standing near the door.  "What's wrong?"

She looked up at her, seeing her so young and caring and pretty...  She
 stood up, taking her into her arms.  "Nothing.  Let's go back to sleep."


"What about the future?"

"Huh?"

Michiru looked down, pulling on the gold necklace around her neck.  "Haruka,
 why are you so... distant?"

"Was that a joke?"

Michiru smiled briefly.  "No...  I wanted to know what you were planning
 on doing later..."

"I don't know..."

"You have a racing tournament tomorrow," Michiru said, uncertainly.   
"You've been practicing for it for weeks."

Had she?  Since she had arrived, only five days ago, seemed like forever,
 she had been concentrating only on Michiru.  But... if she screwed her
 racing career, she wouldn't have much of a future either... would she?

"I know..."

"You're going, right?" She sounded somewhat fearful, though she had reassured
 herself that Haruka _had_ changed...  She wouldn't become fully obsessed
 with racing again.

"And you're coming, right?" Haruka returned, smiling.

"You... haven't asked me to come... to a race for a long time..."

"I'm asking now."

She smiled.  "I'll be there."


"So you're leaving?" Pluto's voice was worried.

"Yeah, I am." She answered briefly, quietly, as not to wake Michiru
 up.

"Look, Uranus... I'm sorry, about two days ago... I didn't mean to be so
 harsh."

"It's ok."

Pluto paused at the answer.  Carefully, she asked: "How torn up are you 
about this?"

"What makes you think I'm torn up?"

"I'm not stupid."

"Never said you were."

"She'll be here, in the future, waiting..."

Haruka's tone audibly changed.  "I hope so..."

Pluto's voice dropped to a whisper, a serious one.  "Uranus...  You have
 to have something to believe in...  Right now, you have to believe in
 yourself, in her, that things worked out...  She'll be the same, here..."

"Thanks, Puu..."

She sat on the bed, watching Michiru sleep, breathing in and out.  She had
 to leave her...  Bending down, she kissed her.  Michiru awoke, at first
 startled, then reassured as she saw Haruka.

"Haruka..." she whispered.

Haruka held her close, just holding her for the last time, for the last
 night.

"I'm glad... that... you love me," Michiru said quietly.  "I wish we could
 just stay like this forever..."

"So do I..." Haruka murmured, ignoring the tears in her eyes.


"Haruka-papa is going to win, I know she is." Hotaru was hopping up and
 down.

Michiru and Setsuna exchanged smiles.  Privately, Setsuna was glad that
 Haruka had made everything better...  Michiru was happier than she had been
 in months, and Hotaru had regained her natural self-confidence.  Setsuna
 noted that even she herself felt brighter, more free...

"Of course she is," Michiru smiled, watching Haruka get into her car.

"She always wins," Setsuna remarked.  "I bet she's thinking that she already
 won."


Oh my _GOD_, what the _hell_ am I doing?  Haruka wondered as she sat inside
 her car.  I haven't raced since...  Well, since a long time!

Relax, relax.  Racing's a second nature to you...  I thought playing the
 piano was second nature?  Ok, ok, maybe a third or fourth...  You can't have
 forgotten everything already?  Already?  1000 years isn't enough?

She looked out the glass to see Setsuna, Hotaru, and Michiru in the stands.
  Come on, they believe in you...  Might as well win it for them... before
 you leave...

Leave...  That last night... had been incredible, to say the least.  She would
 never forget it...  She doubted Michiru ever would either.

Stupid, what happens if you get killed?  Then she'd be so depressed, so
 sad.  What the hell are you thinking?  You won't die!

Just dumb thoughts, crazy thoughts...

The announcer spoke, Haruka didn't hear him.  Her blood was racing, the
 adrenaline rushing.  She _was_ stupid.  She would never forget how to race,
 how to drive, how to _win_.

The gun sounded and the race was off.  Her hands expertly handled the wheel,
 automatically, instinctively.  She knew what to do, how to do it...  And
 when she won, she knew it, knew the feeling of arrogant pride, a flash of
 her old self coming through...

"Haruka!" Michiru ran into her arms as soon as she got out.

"Michiru..."

"You won, Haruka-papa, I said you would, didn't I, Setsuna-mama?" Hotaru
 was happy.

"You did very well, Haruka," Setsuna smiled, tilting her head, meaning more
 than the race as she stared at the two girls embracing.

"Thanks, Setsuna, Hotaru-chan," Haruka said, laughing.  She looked at them,
 trying to memorize how they looked, for one last time...

Michiru leaned closer, whispering, "I love you, Haruka."

"I love you too," Haruka murmured, staring into her eyes.  Michiru frowned, her
 face puzzled, as she read sadness in the other's eyes.

"Har-"

Haruka silenced her by kissing her on the mouth, holding her close.  
Reaching into her pocket, she touched the key lightly.  It glowed
 and Haruka felt herself being pulled away, whispering in her mind good-bye
 to Michiru.

"Haruka?" Michiru asked softly, reaching her hand up to wipe the other's
 eyes.  "Are you crying?"

"I guess... I am," Haruka from the 20th century replied, thoughtfully 
amazed.


Pluto greets me at the gate, murmuring Dark Dome Close, shutting the doors
behind me.

"Have... things changed?" I ask her.

"I don't know..." she whispers, smiling sadly.  "I helped you, I remember
 the way things were really..."

I'm not reassured at all by this.  Taking a deep breath, I hug Pluto quickly
 before moving on.

As I head back to the palace, my mind takes a twisted turn.  What if things
 are still the same?  What if nothing changed?  Everything looks the same...

Then I see Neptune standing by the main doors, looking down, arms crossed,
 appearing to be the same as I had left her...  And then I think that things
 really haven't changed, and that I've lost her forever.

Then she looks up, her face breaking into a smile.  "Uranus!"

"Neptune."

She hugs me, kissing me, and I wonder if I'm dreaming.  "Did things go well
 with Pluto?"

"Yeah, everything's ok."

"Good," she smiles again.  "The Queen agreed to let us go to the city tonight.
  I was surprised, but she said that since it was our anniversary, we would have
 to do something special."

I control my shock.  Today _is_ our anniversary...  In the past years... that
 never were... I had forgotten, happily so...  But now I realize that I have
 a reason to remember it...

Was this why Serenity had called me to her chamber in the first place?  
Because she _did_ remember the significance of this day, and for me to
 explain why Neptune nor I ever mentioned it?  Maybe...

"Uranus?" she looks at me, worried.  "Are you ok?"

I stare into her eyes, seeing that she is the same girl I loved before...
  Older, more experienced, but the same love is there...

I nod, putting my arm around her.

"I'm glad you changed, Haruka," she says, squeezing my hand, staring at me
 with an odd, knowing expression that confuses me.  She smiles, shaking her
 head, then leads me into the palace.


